Hello bloggy world!
It is a gorgeous day in Denver today. The whole month of April has been... well, spring-like, unpredictable, and pretty cold. So it is a beautiful change and makes me want to LIVE outside. I spent a couple summers working at Trout Lake Camp during college, and one of my favorite aspects was the sheer amount of time spent out in the fresh air. Love it. And good weather days like this one don't hurt for my painter husband, who feels like he's been on the same exterior job for the entire month because of the wind, cold, rain, and yes.. snow! But work is a blessing.
Today marks week 33 for my pregnancy and pictures would show that I am undeniably carrying a little human out front. And she is ACTIVE -- I even asked my doctor at the last appointment about the amount of movement I've been feeling, and was assured that there is no such thing as too much movement from baby. I would beg to differ in the middle of the night when baby is having a dance party while I'm trying to catch some zzz's, but it is somewhat reassuring to continue to feel her movements.
A bit of an update on her condition - our last ultrasound a couple/three weeks ago showed that she is in the 75% for size, so we are thankful to see that she's bigger/stronger as we approach June. A couple weeks ago we also had an echocardiogram, and found that the VSD - the hole between the right and left ventricles - is still wide open. We're thankful for this, because if it stays open, the chances for the first surgery needing to happen are reduced. However, the cardiologist expressed concern in the connection of the pulmonary artery to the heart. There is usually a narrowing that happens, which would encourage the passive blood flow that her heart will be working with for the first 6 months to make a choice between the pulmonary and the aorta. If it remains wide open, the doctors may decide in the first days/weeks that she'll need to have surgery to essentially band off and narrow the pulmonary.
So... we still don't really know what to expect. Surgery is planned for 6 months and 3 years, and possibly in the first days or weeks, depending on how she adapts to life outside the womb, and breathing for herself. We'll have another ultrasound in a week, and another echocardiogram a couple weeks after that, and then it will be really close to go-time.
We're hanging in there. In one sense, there is nothing we can do but wait and try to get ready and prepare as we would for any birth. We've already been super blessed with the support of friends and family and a couple of baby showers have started our nursery off to a very cute and girly beginning! This girl has no idea how loved and anticipated she is already...
On the other hand, this has been very difficult for us. I get tired of being gracious in response to (well-meaning) people whose flippant assurances of God's faithfulness and nature as The Great Physician leave me feeling empty. I encourage others to pray for baby's miraculous healing, but find that I can't do it myself. I don't know that I could handle it if I hoped and planned on God healing her, and then He didn't. It is easier for me today to just go through the motions and prepare for what seems to be on the horizon for our new little family, rather than to depend on the supernatural. And even admitting that is very difficult for me as I realize it may not sound like I've got it together spiritually. Well, I don't, and find myself turned off to the "positive and encouraging" faith walk-ers that do not seem to have a dose of walking through the valley of the shadow.
That all being said, we do have hope. We continue to be thankful for the quality doctors we've come in contact with, and are grateful to live close to all the appointments this spring. Our families have been there for us, loving us and praying for us. We know that we are blessed more than we deserve to have an embarrassing number of quality friends and support people in our lives who check in on us. Nick and I are so thankful to have one another, and though this has been a tough year, we have only been brought closer together as a couple. And little baby girl is growing and will be with us soon and we are so excited to meet her.
Pictures to be posted soon...
