Hello, gang!
Uff da. It has been awhile. I must admit that I've thought of writing about 100 times in the last couple months, but as more time passes I am almost embarrassed by that, thinking that I must really have something to say if I'm going to write a post. Who am I kidding? This is the world wide web! My writing may not be any more intriguing than watching a baby koala hugging it's momma, but I'm putting it out there, nonetheless!
Easter morning 2012 began dark and early... Ada and I headed to the first-ever outdoor sunrise service at our church, bundled for the cold. Too cold, in fact, for the precious dress I made for Ada, which proved to be completely impractical when it all came down to it. Nick was home with some sort of flu bug which came on quickly last evening, and hopefully will leave just as quickly.
As I was sitting in the back row with all the other parents of infants, I just soaked in the presence of the Lord and ate up all the precious words of the sermon and musical numbers. Well, that perhaps is not exactly true. Two nights prior, at the Good Friday service, I sat alone - again in the back row, of course, so as to make a speedy exit when baby became too unworshipful for those around her (!) - and I cried. I wish that I cried because of the powerful message of the Cross and what God has done for me through Christ's sacrifice. That is, after all, the point of going to a Good Friday service, right? To have moments to ponder the huge gift we've received in our salvation? Nick had exited the service after 12 minutes with Ada. I then could sit alone for the next half hour, and then we would switch. Win-win.
It was in the middle of "The Old Rugged Cross" that I got a text from Nick saying, "stay as long as you'd like... we're doing fine out here". I began to cry. Not only in the kindness of my husband in giving up an experience for me to have one, not only in the loneliness of rarely experiencing a church experience together as a family of three, but with the words "I will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it someday for a crown." I lost it.
Cling. Clinging to hope. Clinging to a symbol of where my hope comes from. Wishing I had more of it. Hope, that is.
Life has settled in these last months into more of a routine. We live in our new place, which is such a blessing... more space, nice kitchen, garage. I teach music lessons, and Nick juggles his jobs and perhaps some of his sanity in the process. Ada continues to grow and do well, slowly gaining more skills.
And perhaps the main reason that I've not written much in these last months is that even with all the blessings of life, these past months have been such a difficult time for me, for us, and I am struggling to "make it", spiritually. I'm still dealing with so many questions and wish that I could just solve it all or forget it all. Go back to when life was simpler or easier to understand. So there have been many moments when I've been clinging, and that is tiring.
BUT... good news! Today we went to the cardiologist, and got a new look at Ada's heart. It looks very, very good, operating as it should be, and as a result she has very good oxygen saturation levels... in the high 80s, for those who care! Excellent for someone who has had the Glenn procedure! Ada continues in the same growth curve, and we were able to take her off of one more medication. So currently, she only takes aspirin, which is amazing. We've been given the go ahead to put her in the nursery, as the RSV and flu season is over, so that may help Nick and I to resume "normalish" living and have a bit of a break from time to time.
In addition, we had an appointment yesterday with Developmental Pathways, a group that assesses whether or not Ada would be qualified for extra services from the county, as she has been a bit delayed in gross motor and fine motor skills. However, she did not qualify, which actually is pretty good news, as it means that she is not enough delayed for anyone to be very concerned. That was what I was thinking would probably happen, as Ada has been gaining all sorts of mad skills these last couple of months. Army crawling is on its way, whenever there is the motivation of a sharp object or a cell phone on the floor. She's not going to waste her time and energy trying to get across the room to a lame plush toy. Not our girl. :)
So yes, this has been quite a disjointed post, written over the span of two very different days, but of course all of life has its difficulties and its celebrations. Thank you for hanging with us through both. Love much...
